Everybody has many qualities. Some of these qualities are good, and
some
are bad. Just like everybody else, I am a patchwork quilt of good, neutral,
and bad qualities. When I think about what truly makes me a worthwhile
person, I come up with three core qualities that are fundamental to all
of
my other good points:
My honest introspection
My resilience
My tenacious friendliness
My honest introspection: I am able to be brutally honest about who I
am and
what makes me tick. This helps me to understand who I am now, who I have
been in the past, and who I want to become in the future. Knowing myself
this well helps me build and maintain my relationships with a good sense
of
what I want and need, as well as what I can personally contribute to
a
relationship. I can use my gift of honest introspection to set goals
and
priorities that will help me grow as a person.
My resilience: I can take an emotional beating. I've learned that whatever
negative emotion I experience, be it anger, betrayal, grief, or loss,
will
eventually fade with time. The circumstances surrounding that negative
emotion will nearly always teach me something. I am proud of my ability
to
thoroughly express my emotions, live them out, and then let them go when
the
time comes.
My tenacious friendliness: "Don't burn any bridges". If I
have a motto,
that's it. I work hard to be a friend to all those I know socially, as
well
as all those I meet through my work. If one of my friendships gets thrown
wildly off-kilter and turns negative, I have the patience to wait it
out,
rather than exploding and cutting that person out of my life forever.
I
have waited for half a decade in the past for a friendship to come full
circle, and I will again. This translates to a basic faith in humanity.
If
one person is seeing the world through a filter that is completely
incompatible with mine, I say: "Give them a few years". I say, "Wait
awhile-
let them grow as people". I don't say- "this person is impossible,
and is
not worth my time and effort". I don't say, "This person needs
to be hurt,
because they have hurt me." No. At some point, every person will
have a
time when they can see eye to eye with me, and it is at that time that
I
will be close with them. And, should they have the audacity to change
their
views so they don't match mine, well: Everyone has the right to change,
and
also: I could be wrong.
Last year, on of my honey's grad student classmates asked
his girlfriend to
drive out from Wisconsin to live with him here in California.
Today, they broke up, and she is left without a place to live.
She's in my guest bedroom now. My honey and I are planning to let her
sublet
here once she has a game plan and is able to break her lease.
The trick here is extending our kindness and support to each of them
equally. I think I can say that my honey and I will try very hard to
make
life as easy as possible for both of them during the coming weeks.
My honey and I are used to our privacy in our little house. It will
be
interesting to see how life unfolds with our unexpected new roommate.
I'd like to take credit for being kind, but all I can say is that my
course
of action seemed obvious, and that being kind has so far not been a burden.
The true kindness of my nature will be revealed later, when all of this
takes the tone of real life. Right now everything is pretty surreal.
I have been with my love for several years now. Previous to being with
me,
my love, Fallen, was seeing a lot of one girl in particular. Not long
after
I began seeing Fallen in a serious light, this girl, Sissy, left to pursue
an education in Scotland. She was gone for quite some time, and while
she
was there, she became engaged.
You can imagine the dismay I felt when she finished her coursework and
returned home recently, engaged, but leaving her betrothed in Europe.
"
She's going to miss her fiance, and realize again how wonderful my Fallen
is," I worried. I let my insecurites and jealousies gnaw at me.
As she
began to visit with us, it became apparent that her friendship with my
Fallen was very precious to both of them, and I worried even more that
time
and distance with loosen the bond that Sissy had with her fiance. Yet,
I
continued to welcome her on her visits.
Last night, she came over to my house, and we planted strawberry plants
and
mint in a front patch of dirt next to my front door. It has been difficult
for me to acknowledge that the love that Fallen and Sissy once felt for
each
other is still present, but in a way that has been altered to fit their
changing lives. I can feel safe in Fallen's love for me, not only that,
I
can also feel safe in Sissy's friendship with me. I can also trust that
Sissy would not cheat on her fiance, and that Fallen would be unwilling
to
help her in such an endeavor.
In the last few weeks, I've done all of us a kindness by trusting in
the
honor of those close to me, and I'm happy to report that we're making
our
friendship and close ties even stronger.
At the little shop where I work as a clerk, there is another clerk named Ryan. Ryan and I have been friends for years, even though we only recently started working together. He is a tall, thin boy who consumes every edible substance in sight. These days, Ryan, who gives most of his wage to his household, has a very thin purse. Earlier this week, he came to work proclaiming that he was in a bad mood. I asked him why, and he listed several things, but one thing in particular stood out.
"I'm hungry." He said.
Hungry? Hungry! If there is one thing about his life that I can help with, I can help with that. The next day as I packed my own lunch, I packed a lunch for him as well. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, an orange, a granola bar, and my love. When he arrived at the shop, I twisted his arm and forced the edibles upon him. He thanked me, and ate the lunch.
Why would I do this? Actually, I feel conflicted. Ryan
has been known to use
people. He's known to be needy and lazy. He's a mooch. Or, so he used
to be.
But he's changed. Now, he's supporting both himself and his three friends,
renting a small house and feeding all of them. He works the late shift
forty hours a week, and doesn't get to attend the social events he
wants
to
go to. I've always resisted giving Ryan any help in the form of food,
money, or extra patience, but it seems to me that these days, he deserves
a
few small breaks here and there.
I've always considered Ryan to be a very likeable rogue, but in these times, he is showing colors that look suspiciously paladin-like. I gave Ryan a peanut butter sandwich not out of charity, but out of respect for the good things he does on a regular basis for those he loves.
What does this say about me? Well, I'm not proud of myself for feeding him. I'm proud of myself for weighing the consequences of my actions. Giving a sandwich to the old Ryan- the old mooch Ryan- would have been a sign of weakness. I would have been telling him that I am someone he can leech off of. But giving a sandwich to him now, when he works hard and long, is a sign of support among friends and equals.
