The issue that I feel most strongly about is that of Tolerance. Tolerance
is a virtue that I think many people believe they possess, but yet it seems
in short supply all around. Real Tolerance is something that allows others
to disagree with you without your hating them for it. Acceptance of others
as they are is difficult, and frustrating at times, but by allowing people
to be as they are without trying to change them, we gain a lot more than we
lose.
At times, I have wanted to change a situation in which I found myself by changing
the people involved in it. Sometimes it is good to share your ideas and opinions
and persuade others to your cause. However, when your differences of opinion
and even cultural values clash so much that you cannot understand the other
side, and every time you interact with them you end up fighting without end
simply by trying to convince each other of the rightness of either view; to
me it seems better to have both parties simply accept that the other is not
going to agree with them, and move on. Wars are fought constantly by people
who want to change everyone to their own point of view. Sometimes, their motivation
is a good one - they believe that those they are fighting need to be liberated,
or that those they are trying to change are actually disadvantaged by being
in their situation. When people are being killed by those in power, I agree
that it is right to aid them. But, sometimes groups of people go out of their
way to change the entire society they are fighting so that it ends up being
just like them.
When you have succeeded in liberating a people from oppression, or even getting
a single point across to another person, I don't think it is right for you
to try and restructure those persons' entire way of life for them. Not everyone
wants to have a democracy, and while there are advantages to a democratic republic,
there are also advantages to a socialist regime. There are advantages to having
a tribal society, and there are advantages of having a commercial society vs.
a pastoral one. Perhaps you have convinced someone that peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches are the best lunch. Good for you! But it is not your place to then
try to convince them that they can only eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
for lunch from now on, or that the best dinner is ham and potatoes, and they
ought to agree with you on that as well. Even worse would be to tell them that
there is only one way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and if they
don't make it that way, they are doing it wrong. Just help if you are asked,
maybe offer some insights, but then let others try things out for themselves!
Sometimes it is best to offer a helping hand, but realize that just because
you love something and can't imagine your life any other way, it doesn't mean
that everyone else is missing out because they don't agree with you.
How bland and boring would life be if we all wore the same clothes, and sang
only one song, and had the same routines forever? Part of the joy in living
is to learn and experience new things. By letting others be themselves, and
live differently than we do, we can have our eyes opened to so many more experiences
and new joys than if we are close-minded and ignore everyone else, or judge
them for having a different way of doing things. Sometimes what we percieve
as a terrible act by another is actually just a misunderstanding, and once
we see the logic behind it, our fears are alleviated.
One of the major issues in life that gets me frustrated is religious intolerance.
When any group of people tries to convert others to their way of belief, relentlessly
forcing their opinions on others and branding those who are not in the fold
as sinners or evil human beings, it is wrong. The most frustrating part of
it, to me, is that I was under the impression that all religions are trying
to forge a relationship with a higher power, and make their peace with It.
By their very definition, they are supposed to inspire people to come together,
and accept others as they are without judgment. I think almost all religions
have a basic tenant of treating others as you would have them treat yourself,
and to concern yourself with your own advancement, and not judge others, since
that is in the hands of God.
So why is it that in the news every day, I hear more and more people speaking
about how close they are to God and how their religion has saved them, but
in their next breath they dole out judgment on how others live their lives?
These people are lobbying to outlaw marriage for gays and lesbians, to the
extent of even making civil unions for anybody at all illegal - just to have
their way forced on everyone. I read that there are bills being pushed through
Congress that will give federal funds to religion-run job training programs,
in which they won't allow anyone who isn't part of their congregation to be
trained. Religious people, particularly of the Christian sects, are very adamant
about having their beliefs taught in schools, but dead-set against any other
religious beliefs being taught alongside their own. I think that it is despicable
to rail against somebody else for trying to do the same exact thing as you
are. If you are fighting to force your beliefs on others, don't complain about
somebody of different beliefs fighting to force theirs on you. I think this
kind of behavior breeds even more intolerance, and just causes a vicious cycle
of fighting back and forth. When we are threatened to have to adopt another
system of beliefs, of course we will fight back by trying to reinforce our
own. If we didn't, we would lose those things we hold most precious to us.
So, even though I know it is difficult to do, my hope is that we could all
just take a deep breath, find our center of strength, and realize that we don't
have to make everyone think the same way we do. We can accept that our neighbor
doesn't go to the same church or mosque as we do, and that they eat food we
find disgusting. We can find the strength to spend time near them without feeling
threatened by their differences, and when they do or say something that we
personally disagree with, perhaps we'd bite our tongue before leaping into
an argument over it. With patience and acceptance, perhaps eventually we'll
be able to have a dialog about our differences, and maybe learn something new,
or even have our own opinions changed. And with calm tolerance of ourselves,
we might begin to feel that it is all right if our own opinion changes. These
things don't have to be set in stone! It is through acceptance first of ourselves
that we are able to accept others. So I would hope for all of us to find peace
in our own skins and beliefs, and pass on that peace to others.
This week, I sent a small email to a model whose work I have been admiring
on onemodelplace.com. I complimented her on her work and told her that one
particular photo that went up recently really made my day. It was of her and
a tabby cat head-butting, and both herself and the cat had such joy, it really
warmed my heart. On this website, you are able to leave a public acknowledgement,
and I had already done this, but it occured to me that even a public acknowledgement
isn't very specific. How would she know why people like her work, or what they
are noticing? So I thought to brighten her day by saying something small and
happy about her photos, and I am hoping that it brings her a smile. I know
that I love it when I unexpectedly get feedback on my art.
I also have a friend who is going through some difficult relationship issues,
and I am going to try to take her out for sushi at our favorite restaurant
tomorrow before the storm and hope that it helps lift her spirits and allows
her some space to talk about what is on her mind. Since we live far apart,
we don't get to speak in person very often. It's difficult to have a heart-to-heart
online, and I think she could really use an opportunity to talk out some problems.
Maybe I can help her find a space in which she can think outloud.
I was also really happy this week when I was able to tell my boss how awesome
one of his tattoos turned out and see the look of delight on his face to have
heard it. I really love vocalizing all the good thoughts I have and seeing
people smile and light up. This has been a really great week. :)
I am walking through the forest of my life. My path is clear and brightly lit with sunbeams filtering down through the leaves, making beautiful dancing shadows. I am happy and confident in myself, knowing that I am on my way to doing great things, and walking in a good way. My boyfriend walks beside me and I can see the paths of my friends and family weaving back and forth with my own path. And then, suddenly, I stop hearing their voices and laughter. I see everyone drifting off along their own ways, and I feel alone. My first wall is not one that anyone else can see. It is a bubble I put around myself so that I feel cut off from those I care about.
I tend to fear that nobody really cares about me sometimes, and that if I didn’t reach out to keep in touch with everyone, they might never bother to get in touch with me. Sometimes I doubt the solidity of my relationships, and worse, sometimes I fear that I don’t deserve their friendship or love. When this happens, my instinct used to be to call everyone constantly, even when I had nothing to say. Other times, it was to draw away and “test” them to see if anyone would come draw me out of my shell or notice if anything was wrong. I still am guilty of that one. I know that neither of these methods of reacting to this fear are really good ones.
When I am feeling lonely and apart, I am learning to talk about it, and ask for a hug. I find it very difficult to speak about what is bothering me, and sometimes I don’t even know. I think it may be a feeling born of all the time I had to spend alone as a kid.
I don’t like to admit that I can be hurt at all, and so I avoid acknowledging it to the point that I am not even sure why I feel the way I feel sometimes. But learning to accept myself the way I am helps this fear subside, and attempting to be less self-centered does too. When I stop to realize that everyone has fears of their own, and notice that they can’t tell I have a problem if I hide it from them, I learn to open up a bit more and the bubble pops. It’s a recurring bubble, but at least with patience I do know how to shatter it.
So, I keep walking down my path, with the support of those I love, and the ideals that keep me afloat. But then, I start to see something shiny and new off to the side of my path. It’s a shell, or a rock, or a feather. I get distracted and wander off to investigate. I know I am not supposed to wander away so far, but I tell myself, it’ll only be for a minute. This other wall of mine is distraction and an inability to stay focused for a long period of time without supervision, or the illusion of it.
I am great at knowing what I need to get done in order to move along in the direction I want to go. I know that I need to get X done before Y can be started and Z can be accomplished. But I have a hard time really putting my nose to the grindstone and sticking to routines. For example, I have set a goal of creating one piece of flash per day so that in three years (when I want to start my own shop), I’ll have an ample supply of ready-to-use designs at hand. But, since the goal is ambitious, and also on so very large of a time scale, I give myself a lot of leeway that I shouldn’t take as often as I do. I’ll make an excuse that instead of drawing one up today, I’ll do two tomorrow. Or, I’ll draw up 5 today, and paint them all next weekend. This would be fine if I actually pulled through at the end of each week, but it just so happens that I get distracted a lot, and forget to. Then I feel overwhelmed by how much I have to make up for. I find it very easy to be tempted by a game I love, or a friend to call. I am like a raven who sees a shiny marble on the pavement and just has to have it, forgetting all else.
Fortunately, I have found the antidote to this problem, although I am not always great at following through in a timely fashion. I make lists. When I have a list of things I have to do each day, or for the week, I find I am able to accomplish much more, even allowing for my daily distractions and indulgences. While I tend to save my least favorite tasks for last, I do actually get things done, and often far more than I would if I had to think of everything out of thin air. Having my tasks written down on paper gives me a peace of mind that lets me sleep at night without having to constantly re-list my ideas and obligations in my head. My boyfriend also has helped me in this by giving me “treats” like the Wonderfalls DVD set, but making the rule that I can only watch one episode per page of completed flash. It’s a motivator for me, and I feel rewarded for working on my goals.
So, after crashing about a bit in the woods, I eventually find my way back to my path, and happily pad along it some more. I come across a big, dark, scary place, in which there seems to be no clear path, and the sky is menacing and black. I feel that I cannot walk through this vortex of thick and threatening air. I know that beyond it lies peace and serenity, and a life well-lived. But I am afraid of the mistakes I’ll make to get there. This is the wall of self-doubt.
Another fear of mine that I think actually contributes to the many distracting side-paths I take, is the fear that I am not actually good enough to accomplish all these things I set out for myself. I fear that even though I know I am *capable* of doing difficult tasks, and creating a self-directed career, and eventually having a family and living as a happy old lady with grandkids, artwork, and a garden; what if I don’t deserve it? I fear that perhaps in my heart I am not good enough to be able to take delight in these things, and I feel guilty that even though I am sometimes selfish and oblivious to other’s needs and wants, somehow I have been able to get such a great hand in life.
Walking through this wall of doubt is terrifying. By its very nature, it makes me think that I should feel guilty for believing that I could go through it unharmed; as though I maybe deserve more than others get to have. It’s a wall I face fairly frequently, when many good things have happened in my life, and then I hear of strokes of bad luck for others that I care for, or tragedies in the world or in friend’s lives that I feel I should somehow amend.
To walk through it I need to consciously remind myself that I work hard for the rewards in my life, and that I do, in fact, deserve good things. I remind myself that bad things happen to me, too, and that I get through them as everyone else does. I remind myself that I do reach out to others and help them as I can, and that I am not responsible for holding up everyone’s world. I only need to walk my own path, not clear the way for everyone else’s. I am supposed to be there for others, but it is not necessary to fix their lives for them. It is then that I can hold my breath and plunge through the darkness. It helps me to send out prayers for others every night as I fall asleep, and to thank All that Is for the small and large gifts in my life. By being thankful and sharing that thanks with others, I can get past this wall.
I think that these are the major blocks on my life’s path. There are
plenty of others, but these are the largest ones of my own making. Because
I made them, they are at times the easiest and the hardest to overcome. But
with practice, they will lessen. The bubble will stop resting around my shoulders.
The shiny rocks and streams and feathers on the edges of my path will catch
my eye but not lead me to stray. And the darkness will only occasionally roll
overhead, and never settle in a thick fog in front of me. Certainly, it is
what I hope for.
After reading through the list of values, the one I kept leaping back to was “Engaging in creative artistic expression.” In my life, I have always felt a need to create new things, to embellish old ones, and generally make everything I touch unique. I was the kid who drew in pen all over her jeans while in class, tied her shoe laces in odd and interesting configurations every day just to see what it would look like, and spent hours drawing different wallpaper and backgrounds for her pewter figurine display case. I felt every small animal in there needed its own room and furniture, and I think I probably made 7 or 8 different versions of every room so that they could change their style whenever they wanted.
These days, creating art and sharing it with others is a huge part of my life. I am very much involved in my budding career as a tattoo artist, and I love that I get to share my talent with others and help them to express themselves in a way that they choose. I try my best to make new and individually significant pieces for my clients, so that they can be the only person with their particular tattoo. Not everybody wants that, but when I can, I really try to nail a few specific details on the head for them so that the tattoo can have layers of meaning. I like tucking little details in there that seem insignificant, but actually add dimension to the piece. The more I get involved in tattooing, the more opportunity I have to wok on larger tattoos that can have many details and loads of meaning. I absolutely love my work, and I love that it isn’t going to hide away in a drawer somewhere. People wear it every day!
Obviously, I feel that it is important for me to enjoy my work, and whatever I do in life. When I had graduated college, I found myself falling into the same old job I had always taken – reception and customer service. I felt that it was the only thing I was qualified to do, and I knew I was good at it. I actually do like helping people, but I found that work of that nature was turning me into a grumpy, unhappy and miserable human being. I smiled, but it was the fake customer-service smile. And I found after a while I always felt fake, and constricted. All I wanted to do was make my own schedule, create something instead of selling someone else’s creations. I realized that I had a talent for making art, and I felt sad that I wasn’t using it any anymore; I felt that it was wasted on me. So I began to look for ways to use my talent as my career, and I began an apprenticeship to tattoo. I had so much fun there; I didn’t even mind working two jobs. When the time came to move and I had to decide what to do for employment, there was no question – ditch the day job and tattoo full-time! Enjoying my job has made such a huge difference in my attitude in everything. I feel genuine, like I am doing something I was meant to do. I don’t complain about how miserable my job responsibilities are or how stupid they seem to me. Finding happiness in what we choose to do in life is a wonderful way to bring joy to everyone you meet. It’s so much more pleasant to be around someone who is content than somebody who feels trapped and unhappy.
Growing in the understanding of myself, my calling, and life’s real purpose is something I’ve been trying to wrap my head around for as far back as I can remember. I tend to connect this one and being happy with what I am doing. I think that enjoyment and the creative buzz are signs that I am on my right path in life. I think that everyone is here for a reason, and while that reason might be illusive, we can tell we are learning what we need to learn and doing what we need to do when we are feeling full and happy with our choices and daily routine. Learning to listen to this inner voice hasn’t been easy, and I admit I still stubbornly close my ears to it sometimes. But when I listen, and make the difficult choices that the inner voice insists on, somehow the path gets easier to walk. My understanding of myself and how I fit into this vast creation is still small. But it is important to me to keep striving for greater understanding and manifesting the best parts of myself in this lifetime.
I like to feel that my work, be it in tattooing, or just my general life, contributes to a set of moral standards that I feel are very important. I try to live by the saying, “An ye harm none, do what you will,” and “Treat others as you would have them treat you.” This is usually a pretty easy code to live by. But, it does lead to some moments of holding my tongue when I’d rather tell someone off. Sometimes it is difficult to let things go when I think that I am right. But I believe it is more important to allow others their opinions, and in some cases keep my own to myself, than to try to convince everyone else out there to think like I do. Actually, I like that we don’t all think the same things. But I hate to be told what to think! In my profession, I strive to keep myself to the highest standards of cleanliness and to always do my best. I strive to treat everyone who walks in equally and kindly. In general, I have found that if your set of moral standards applies across the board to everything in life, it is easiest. I hate to compartmentalize between work and the rest of my life. That seems like double standards, and I can’t live that way.
Being in a position to influence the attitudes and opinions of others is a phrase that I am not sure I can agree with. While I love to do my own thing and not be hindered by others’ visions of how life should be, I really don’t seek a limelight of any sort. I get really shy in big groups and feel guilty about taking a leadership role if in a group of random people. I tend to fear that they will become angry with me for taking over, since once given the reins, I tend to have grand visions of my own and ways to get there. I think I like to lead by example, and if others change their minds about anything due to myself, it would most likely be because of the way I live my life, and probably not because I lectured them into it, or even debated over it. I like to live and let live.
That said, I definitely want to be able to determine the nature of my work without significant direction from others. I am already working towards opening my own tattoo studio in the future, and gathering the equipment and skills needed to do so. I very much would like to create a shop that has a welcoming, creative atmosphere and that provides more than a traditional tattoo shop does. I’d love to be in charge of my own business because I can see so many ways to improve upon what has been done in the past, and owning my own shop would allow me to realize these dreams. I’d love to incorporate a gallery where local artists can show their work as well as a studio where clients can consult and receive the tattoo they’ve always wanted. Already, I have a job that leaves my schedule open to my own choosing and gives me great artistic freedom. But in a few years time, I’d love to be able to decide the merchandise that my own shop would sell, and the services we provide.
I feel like all of my values in life are able to be expressed in the choices I make, and I am glad to do so. I feel lucky that I have been able to accomplish so much of what I want in life already, and to share these choices and triumphs with my friends and family. While it is sometimes hard to stay true to my heart, the rewards have been great for doing so. I hope that everyone finds what their heart’s want for them, and are able to use their life to its greatest potential.
My armor is composed of the stuff that helps prevent me getting hurt too badly in the first place, and the stuff that heals me after damage has been done.
One of my strengths is empathy, an ability to feel what other people are feeling. Ironically, it is exactly what I need in order to not take things too personally. When someone is angry and I feel that they are directing their anger toward me, I am able to get past that by digging deeper and finding the cause of their anger. It’s a case of love the person but not the deed. When I am able to feel another’s emotions and follow their thought-process in this way, I can get a better understanding of how I can help, recognize a faulty thought-process of my own to work on, or realize that a particular situation is beyond my helping in that moment. My empathy can sometimes get me down when there is a lot of suffering or closed-mindedness around me, but understanding how it works is a real strength and helps me out far more than it hinders. The key is that I can combine it with real listening, because this is what lets me separate another’s emotions from my own.
My generosity of spirit is a great gift that I am happy to have. I gladly share my time and creativity with others. I love spending time with my friends and just listen to what they have to say, or share moments of quietness. I like to share handy information that I have to others who might find it useful. I actually just learned that one from my boyfriend, who seems to have obscure tidbits of knowledge about everything! But I learned from him that it is fun to share these things with other people instead of keeping it to myself.
I have an incredible determination and a very vast and complex way of planning things. When I have come up with a goal, I start getting there. I come up with many, many little goals to help me reach the big one. I enlist help. I research. I find out exactly what I will need to realize the plan. I work toward it. I practice and plot and re-plan. I have no problem with my goals taking years to come to fruition. I will plod on like an ox. My determination springs from a calm confidence in myself that I can accomplish anything I put my heart into, and a trusted practicality about what must go into these things.
When I am weary, and have been hurt, I find solace in nature. I take a walk, sit outside in my back yard, or cuddle a cat. I will eventually take a break from all that I have been doing, and just sit, and let myself be sad. I won’t let myself be mean to myself or think bad things about myself. I will just acknowledge that I have had a bad time, and I am hurt. And it really does help. When I am done being alone, I have my boyfriend, and wonderful friends to talk to who help buoy me back up.
My armor, then, is both within and without me. But it is mine, and I like
it!
When I first joined the How to Be a Hero website, I wasn't really sure how I would test out. I thought that I would either be a Paladin or a Wizard, because I knew I wasn't very confrontational or sneaky. . . and I was pleased to find out I was a Paladin. It made sense to me. I have a strong inner voice that guides me, and I am always trying to do what I think is best, regardless of what is expected of me. I was eager to see what the quests would be, and meet other people who were interested in actually acting like heros and not just daydreaming about it.
I do believe in myself, and I think that with the proper effort I can accomplish whatever I want to. Even so, I know that there are some things I just can't change. Sometimes I am stubborn and try anyway. . .I am very happy with my life and how it is turning out.
I am glad that I learned to take some risks to follow my heart even when it was terrifying, because I now have a career I love, and so many truly amazing friends that I wouldn't have known so well if I hadn't been willing to take some major leaps. Being a Paladin, and having joined this site, has definitely effected me. It has brought another dimension of awareness into my life and made me a little less self-centered. I try to practice more random acts of kindness now, and I am finding that the more I do, the more they build and it keeps on rolling.
Giving of myself is making me feel good, and there have been times when I have been too scared to share, and felt like I barely had enough. Now I feel like I have more than anyone I know. Thank you guys for that. :) I like the introspective themes in the Way of the Paladin, and how they got me to think more deeply on why I am the way I am.
Reading others responses have given all sorts of inspiration and smiles, and I think my favorite part of the site is that I feel like I have a family of others that are going through the same things I am. The biggest change in my life that I think was directly from the site, is volunteering for Forgotten Felines. I have only been able to go once so far because afterwards I caught the flu - but it was fun, and I am looking foward to going again next Monday to see the cats and help clean the place up. I think I am realizing more as time goes on that I am responsible for my actions and reactions to events and life, and am taking a more active role in that.
