Since we spoke last one of my grandmothers, the one without Multiple Sclerosis,
was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. As such, we made the effort of moving her
from California to live with my family here in Washington State.
At the time, I was unemployed, so with the medical training I have, the duty
fell to me to be her caregiver, until such time as we were able to either get
her back home after the treatment of her cancer was completed. As such, I opted
to take a CPR/AED class from the red cross the day before she arrived. Thank
God I did.
3 days after having taken the class, I was serving her lunch, and noticed she
had become unresponsive. I turned around, and noticed her lips were blue, but
she was still upright. She was choking. I had just seconds to run and get the
phone, before getting back to her, calling 9-1-1, and administering rescue
techniques. The abdominal thrusts were ineffective, since she was unable to
hold herself up so I could effectivly administer them. I lowered her to the
floor, and administered rescue breathing.
Thank God, the paramedics arrived within a couple of minutes... They saved
her. But, from what they said, had I not been there, she would be dead. I kept
her alive, so they could save her life. Afterwards, I was in complete shock-
I had to call my wife, who was at work at the time, as well as my parents,
to inform them that she would be at the local hospital.
She was saved, and underwent surgery for her cancer, effectivly removing the
tumor. Sadly, she died a week later from an unrelated pulmonary embolism.
Guess God wanted her back pretty bad.
Anyhow, I wanted to let you know, that my growth as a Paladin was influenced
by this event, in many ways. Dealing with Loss, and acting appropriatly in
times of duress. I feel my duty as a modern day hero was done, and my status
as a Paladin made it much more possible.
Don’t take away
My sensitivity.
Don’t let me turn off
Others’ pain.
Don’t close my eyes
I need to see.
I need to feel the world.
There’s so much injustice.
There’s so much pain.
I can’t fix it all.
But today…. Today.
Today I will
Change
One
Life.
The news came swiftly and unexpectedly--
unexpected medical problems that made themselves known during a routine
physical.
Indefinite medical leave.
The Shadows cut my legs out from under me in one fell swoop,
Worry, indecision and nervousness creep on the edge of my thoughts like
demons lying in ambush.
But I am determined to meet them and win this--I will not be beaten!
This battle has tested and tried me- stretching my limits and strengthing me through a trial by fire. I've come near to breaking on more than a few occassions when it seems like too much to bear. Somehow, I always manage to claw my way back; keeping my humor and my strength intact to fight another day.
The fight is drawing nearer to its final conclusion, and I can not come away from this without carrying the scars of learning these lessons with pride . . .
It's perfectly acceptable to allow yourself a moment of weakness and
frustration, so long as it does not overwhelm--even the strongest ones
break down from time to time.
Never apologize for needing to lean on your friends, the true ones will
be there regardless.
Virtual hugs still carry the same power as real ones.
White chocolate mochas make exceptional comfort food in times of crisis.
When all is said and done--the only constant in this 'awful, beautiful
life' is faith; that's what will carry me through.
Welcome the trials, for they force my faith to the surface to refine
it and strengthen it.
I will never find a set of finer friends if I looked for the rest of
my life.
This is my time of testing and refinement
I rest comfortably in the fact that pressure makes diamonds.
I will come out stronger . . .
A few days ago, on a forum I visit almost daily, I noticed a thread. A young woman wanted to help her sister who was feeling very down and asked us to send her sister a book form her sister’s wish list. It’s no big deal since this forum is part of a book sharing community website (www.bookcrossing.com). I had already sent them two books a little while ago but this time too, the thread stirred something in me. The younger sister’s boyfriend had left for Australia as a working experience and she felt somewhat left behind. In her wish list, the only book I could provide wasn’t very cheery (Poe’s ‘Black Cat’) but I noticed she wanted books about Australia as well. I had none but I had my own experience in the country since I had been there for three months the previous year. So I send her the book, a CD-Rom with the pictures I brought back along with a letter (and some sweets as it is our habit in such cases) to tell her how welcoming and respectful Australian people I met were and that it would be the same for her boyfriend, that she must have no worries and that when I would come back, he’ll be a better person. This is not lip service; it’s what I truly believe.
She sent me a nice e-mail to thank me.
In our community, what I did has a name: it’s a Random Act of BookCrossing Kindness. Well, mine isn’t actually ‘random’ but is that important?
by Negal
This time my picture is a sword. It represents our swords of souls. "Quell dearth, avail life" the stripes say around the sword. It may not be seen if the picture is so small. I think everyone should have food and nice life in this world and that's why I felt it was needed to say, just to remind there is people who need some help, e.g. food and houses and water. That is how we can avail life, by helping others, but also not having wars. Only battle to fight is greed and injustice, and those we can fight with words, our soul swords, not with real swords.
by Negal
It has become like a habit to me to participate in blood donation event.
For the last four years I have taken part to these events, and helped
a lot of people and made their donation easier.
Three times in a year me and my sister quit school earlier than normal, around
midday, and rush to a bus which takes us to the nearby city of Järvenpää.
There we walk a short way to a church hall where the donation event is kept.
At first there’s no people and we and some other volunteer workers have
some time to refurnish the church hall so that people could donate blood there.
We start with moving tables and chairs off the way and making the whole place
to look very inviting. I’m usually making the small child farm where we
take care of the donors children. Me and my sister are normally the ones who
bring some toys with them and let the children to play with them.
At the beginning of the event there’s only a few people donating blood.
I’m not the one who packs the blood bags, because I have no interest in
it. I’d rather do something else.
After an hour from the beginning all the volunteer workers change their shifts.
I will spend the next hour in the busy kitchen. I’m in hurry almost all
the time, washing dishes and packing used juice cans inside one another.
About four years ago there was at least over ten volunteer workers helping in
the donation event. Nowadays we have to cope with only a few, nobody wants to
help. Therefore we haven’t got very often breaks, and sometimes we still
have to work on that time too. The donation continues late in the evening, and
we all know we’ll be very tired next day. But when I asked from another
worker why she was there, she said it’s volunteer work and important, even
thought it’s hard. Well, at least we can eat cookies and sandwiches there.
In the kitchen I wash dirty plates and cups all the time. And there’s a
lot of them, because we have a coffee buffet in the next room. Luckily I’m
not always the one who washes the dishes. And we have a large dishwasher, and
it’s very quick too!
Then sometimes the coffee server or waitress says that coffee has ended
or that there’s not a lot of cookies anymore. Then I come to fill
the cookies bowl or make some more coffee. But before I notice itäs
my turn to serve coffee the donors, who have already donated blood. I
force myself to smile all the time and ask from anyone who’s going
near: “Coffee or tea?”
And that’s the work I do for the next hour.
Finally someone comes to release me from the smiling. I notice it’s my
turn to pour orange or apple juice in plastic cups. It’s actually fun!
You can never know which one of the four places where the cups are kept is
going to end soon. It’s a lot of running and observing the amount of
people coming in. They all want to drink something. So I open a can of juice
and pour it’s contest in another can, from where I pour the juice into
the cups. That sound’s pretty complicated.
I think I most enjoy the shift in the child farm. There’s not many children,
maybe one or two in a day. Sometimes there’s no children and sometimes
there’s a lot and all in the same time. And you never know what they
are going to do next. Someone is drawing, someone is building a railway, someone
is playing with cars. I have to play with them or if they are a bit older I
can talk to them. It’s actually very relaxing and makes you forget the
busy kitchen and smiling and all the fallen juice cans.
But if you’re lucky, you have a break! Then you have some time to drink
something or eat a sandwich you’ve been watching all day. They wouldn’t
taste so good if I didn’t know that I have helped someone in that day.
Finally at the end of the blood donation event, after many shifts and cookies
and sandwiches I can go home and feel extremely happy. I may seem hard to do
even some volunteer work, but you don’t have to spend all your time to
it, like I sometimes do. It’s enough that many people do something instead
of not doing anything. Volunteer work is very rewarding, because you’re
not getting any money from it and you know that you have helped a lot of people,
even by serving then coffee. It’s not even hard to see it’s fun,
or at least to people who like to be busy all the time just as me.
by Negal
If I have learned anything,
I have learned how to write.
I have learned to make poems.
I have learned to show my mind.
I have learned to be happier.
I have learned to smile.
I have learned to respect.
I have learned the right.
If that is what I have learned,
I have learned much.
I have learned about myself.
I have learned to touch.
by Negal
by East
by Negal
by Darla
by Darla
by Mshathvri
by Mshathvri
At the little shop where I work as a clerk, there is another clerk named Ryan. Ryan and I have been friends for years, even though we only recently started working together. He is a tall, thin boy who consumes every edible substance in sight. These days, Ryan, who gives most of his wage to his household, has a very thin purse. Earlier this week, he came to work proclaiming that he was in a bad mood. I asked him why, and he listed several things, but one thing in particular stood out.
"I'm hungry." He said.
Hungry? Hungry! If there is one thing about his life that I can help with, I can help with that. The next day as I packed my own lunch, I packed a lunch for him as well. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, an orange, a granola bar, and my love. When he arrived at the shop, I twisted his arm and forced the edibles upon him. He thanked me, and ate the lunch.
Why would I do this? Actually, I feel conflicted. Ryan
has been known to use
people. He's known to be needy and lazy. He's a mooch. Or, so he used
to be.
But he's changed. Now, he's supporting both himself and his three friends,
renting a small house and feeding all of them. He works the late shift
forty hours a week, and doesn't get to attend the social events he
wants
to
go to. I've always resisted giving Ryan any help in the form of food,
money, or extra patience, but it seems to me that these days, he deserves
a
few small breaks here and there.
I've always considered Ryan to be a very likeable rogue, but in these times, he is showing colors that look suspiciously paladin-like. I gave Ryan a peanut butter sandwich not out of charity, but out of respect for the good things he does on a regular basis for those he loves.
What does this say about me? Well, I'm not proud of myself for feeding him. I'm proud of myself for weighing the consequences of my actions. Giving a sandwich to the old Ryan- the old mooch Ryan- would have been a sign of weakness. I would have been telling him that I am someone he can leech off of. But giving a sandwich to him now, when he works hard and long, is a sign of support among friends and equals.
by Darla
What makes me strong enough to withstand the blows against my self-esteem and sense of honour and goodness when I try and do the right thing?
Sometimes people mock me when I try to do good deeds. It seems strange, actually, because being a do-gooder would seem to me to be something to be encouraged, not scorned. Most people are only teasing, but there are a few who seem to be annoyed by it. I think this is because they do not share my ideals, or are cynical about them and think that I am wasting my time.
I think the biggest problem is caused when people have a different sense of what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and all the grey areas in between. You can try to be as tolerant as you are capable of being, but sometimes the views of other people can be so diametrically opposed to your own as to make resolution impossible. I find this very frustrating, when I cannot find common ground with someone. I do not blame either of us, but I wish that it were otherwise.
There are also the cynics, who don’t believe that you can make a difference, so why bother.
Usually the goal of trying to be a good person and stand up for the ideals that I believe in is enough to keep me going through adversity. I am happy with what I am trying to do with my life – spread goodness and happiness to all those I can reach.
Sometimes, though, I can feel depressed and unmotivated by unfavorable reactions from people. This feeling usually doesn’t last long, however. Within a few days I have bounced back and am ready to continue. I think this is because I know in my heart that I am truly trying to do the right thing according to my beliefs, and that I have to have faith in myself for this task to be accomplished.
My faith in myself is supported by those things I know to be good qualities of mine:
Compassion – I have been called ‘soft-hearted’, but I do reach out to those in need, whether human or animal. Sometimes I have been berated for not making more distinction between the two and regarding humans as more important. I believe, however, that there is no evil in treating them equally, since I am trying to help both species.
Tolerance – I try to be accepting of people of all races and beliefs, even if I don’t always believe in them.
Mercy – I do not hold grudges. If a person is genuinely sorry and asks forgiveness, I find that I can no longer be angry.
Humour – I try to laugh often, and make others laugh as well. I like to make myself and others feel a bit happier. I know that I always feel better after I laugh.
When my faith in these qualities is not enough, I also draw strength
from a number of other sources:
My family and friends, who are all very close, provide love and support to one another, so I know I can turn to them if I need help or advice.
My husband, who is sometimes cynical about my beliefs, but who encourages me nonetheless and provides unconditional love and support in whatever I do.
Knowing that there are people out there who are working towards the same goal and that if we support each other in this task, the world will be a better place.
My confidence that the actions I do are helping to make the world a bit better, however small the amount.
My belief that trying to follow these ideals, even if I can’t do very much, is better than not trying at all.
This assignment has actually helped me to identify the sources of my
strength when fighting for a better world. I believe that the act of
identifying them will help me to draw more readily upon them in times
of need, and help me to continue my goal.
